Childcare

It's crazy to me how similar numbers of kids can feel so totally different depending on how well you know them, the time of day, and how old they are. This Sunday I had seventeen kids in my "small" group, and it felt like a lot for a small group, but they focused well, and we were able to all enjoy each other without anyone spiraling out of control.

Case in point: I had promised the kids that I would bring my "Africa knife" - my dad's Somali knife - not knowing that there would be quite so many kids. They all passed it around and handled it, while other people in the group were trying on different types of Kenyan clothing. And, there was no blood.

17 kids: 1 Jessica

Monday morning, we had eighteen kids in childcare and three of us working. Most of the kids are with us 2-3 days a week, so, while there were a few collisions and tears, the homeschooled kids got their homework done, and all was remarkably calm and peaceful.

Of course, that may have had something to do with the fact that E, our high school guy, isn't there on Mondays for the kids to "kill." (The favored activity of the "big kids" - and several of the "little kids," including one who doesn't walk yet - involves shooting E with Lego guns, poisoning him with the fake food/doctor's kit, dogpiling on him, and otherwise making sure that he spends 85% of his time laying flat on the ground.)

Regardless. 18 kids: 3 teachers

Last Monday night, though, we had twenty-one kids to four teachers, and it was just this side of utterly ridiculous. Twenty-one isn't really that many, but, when you are expecting ten or so... that's a large difference!

Solutions

"So what do we do? Anything. Something. So long as we just don't sit there. If we screw it up, start over. Try something else. If we wait until we've satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late." ~Lee Iacocca

It's so easy to look at the world and see problems: poverty, hunger, human trafficking, illiteracy, violence, war, contaminated water, AIDS, malaria, discrimination, racism, injustice... the list goes on and on and on. As far as things go, we really have made a truly spectacular mess out of this planet.

It's harder to see solutions.

It's easy to look in the face of one hungry child and decide that malnutrition is a problem that needs fixing; it takes more effort to look in the face of a full child and realize that someone, somewhere, has come up with at least one solution. The proof is standing there staring you in the face.

If there were no solutions to world hunger, then every human being on the planet would be hungry, yourself included.

If there were no solutions to grinding poverty, then there would be no rich.

There are solutions. Maybe not for the whole world at the same time, with the single tap of a wand. But, there is a solution for that hungry child standing in front of you or staring at you through your computer screen.

You don't have to find THE solution in order to find A solution. Pack a zipploc bag, put up a tent, go on a walk, or go on a "justice trip."  Try something crazy and see if it works. If it doesn't, try something else.

There. Are. Solutions. Your worm free, malaria free, full stomached body, that is sitting under a roof right now and not being shot at, is proof. Don't know where to start? Come with us for 28 days, and see if you come up with a few ideas. I can almost promise that you'll blow your socks off with your own creativity.

World Building

It seems like no matter how much stuff I get rid of, there is always just as much waiting to take its place. I've been sorting though boxes that I thought I had been through a dozen times already, and I'm still finding things that don't need to still be there. On the plus side, though, I'm also finding things that SHOULD be there.

For instance, I found a scrapbook that my World Building kids put together for me right before I left for Kenya. The front page was this picture - which also happened to be the yearbook picture for the class.

It was shortly before Halloween, and part of their assignment for the day was to come to class dressed as one of the inhabitants of their world. It was basically hysterical.

There are dog beds inside of that purple and yellow outfit in the front. 

Finding the picture again definitely made me smile. Although, I'm not sure that they are allowed to have grown up so much in the two years since then. 

Foreign Terms

Sometimes the image that comes up, even subconsciously, when we hear the term "social justice" is less than ideal, not necessarily because of what the idea actually encompasses, but because we're not sure what the idea means, and human nature is to assume that what we know is best (and the unknown, therefore, is less desirable).

Justice doesn't have to mean sitting back passively and watching the world walk over you. In fact, passivity will never result in justice. To do nothing is not to side with the weak but to agree with the powerful.

Christ-like justice, rather, is an outpouring of the passionate love that God has for all of humanity. It means giving yourself fully to the people that God cares for, simply because He cares for them and asks His followers to do the same.

Why Here? Why Now?

Every few days, someone asks me what my plans are for being "home," how long I plan on staying, the reason that I came back. ("How long" is up in the air. Another year? Until God says to move on...)

In the purest sense, I am here right now because, over a year ago, in December of 2009, I was sitting in class in Kenya, when I had an amazingly clear vision of one of the boys from youth group coming up and slipping his hand into mine, like a little child would, and tugging on it. His eyes looked up at mine, lost and scared, and he made a simple request, "Show me where to go."

"Show me where to go"

That vision haunted me for days and weeks, and that vision gave birth to the Focus Month. Call it tunnel vision if you will, but closer to the heart of God was the only direction that I had to point him in. Several times a week, those words still come back to haunt me. (God must think that I need plenty of reminders!)

Yes. I am aware of just how crazy that makes me sound. (And, it's a whole lot easier to just give a vague list of what I'm doing right now. I like that option when I can get it. It lets me pretend that I sound somewhat normal.) I'm fairly used to crazy. After all, I blog about justice issues and, in just a few months, I'm leading a 28 day ministry trip.

And... I'm here right now because a little boy, who is not so little anymore, is lost, and he asked me for directions. (But, that's not generally the answer that I give people when they ask!)

Momentum

"Even if you’re on the right track-you’ll get run over if you just sit there." ~Will Rogers

This was one of the quotes in our ministry trip journals my freshman year of high school. At the time, it was a good reminder that being on a ministry trip didn't make me automatically any closer to God than sitting in church did, or sitting at my kitchen table or laying in bed.

Progress is all about forward momentum. It has little to do with location.

Today, it is a reminder that mentally agreeing with a just cause is not the same thing as doing something about the just cause.

My heart and my mind might agree that the Focus Month is a good idea, but, unless my hands are actively doing something to bring it into reality, I'm just sitting there, waiting to get run over. What about you? What track are you sitting on today?

(Hint: If you can't think of anything, I have a wonderful place for you to start.)

Haven't Burned the Kitchen Down Yet

Just in case life was not ironic enough to begin with, just a few weeks ago, I started teaching a cooking class at one of the homeschool co-ops. Yes. Me. The one who can't make instant mashed potatoes in the right order.

Luckily, the kids are young and forgiving - and they do all of the mixing themselves, so, if it tastes funky, I can say that I didn't do it! Not really. If it were to taste funky, it would probably be the fault of one of the grown ups doing the measuring...or the grown up who tries not to explode her brain each week dividing the recipe so that each pair of kids gets to make their "own."

Bonus. I now know how many teaspoons and tablespoons go into a cup.

(I have also learned that, of all the allergen free - no gluten, eggs, dairy, or nuts - requirements, the one that throws me for a loop most often is the nuts. What do you mean we can't use peanut butter!?!)

Lots of craziness involved, but lots of fun too. Maybe, by the end of this class, I'll have learned how to cook. Meh... probably not, but we could hope.

Procrastination

"If and When were planted, and Nothing grew." ~Proverb

I am the master of procrastination. If a college paper was due at 8:00 in the morning, I was on my bed, in my pajamas, emailing it at 7:45, or printing it off in the library at 7:50 and shaking it on the way to class so that it would not still be warm from the printer.

I make up lessons on the morning that I am supposed to be teaching them and wake up early to "finish" packing, when I could have just as easily gathered my things and put them into an empty bag the night before.

There are other things, though, that simply have to be done, no procrastination about it.

In the past, I've given challenges to "Do One Thing." This week, do one thing towards justice.

Step 1) If you haven't already, click here to check out the website for the focus month.
Step 2) Click here to fill out the application. Even if you don't think that you will be going on the trip, fill one out. I won't hold it over your head. You can even stick a little note in there somewhere telling me that you only did it because I told you to. Just fill it out. There are questions in there that are good for anyone to think about. There are questions in there that were hard for ME to think about, even while I was writing them.

"Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the “someday I’ll” philosophy". ~Denis Waitley

Desperate

"This is how God works. He puts His people in positions where they are desperate for His power, and then He shows his provision in ways that display His greatness." Radical by David Platt

Honestly, I'm not such a fan of this idea (...just more proof that I am not perfect). I would rather be in charge. I would rather live my life in a way that I can pull off on my own. Part of me would prefer to leave the hard things to someone else, maybe someone who went to school for that gets paid to do hard things.

Bear Grylls for instance. He's good at hard things. The next time that God needs someone to do something hard, He can just send Bear Grylls. I'll watch it on my TV.

It doesn't work that way, though. There is only one of Bear Grylls, and there is only one of me. And, we both have jobs to do, unique to us purposes for being on the planet.

Sometimes, it's saying hi to the person at the grocery store, and, sometimes, it's a ministry trip. All of the time, it requires more than what we might think of doing on our own - or even think of wanting to do on our own.

"So the challenge is for us to live in such a way that we are radically dependent on and desperate for the power that only God can provide." Radical by David Platt

Alive Again

Sometimes a certain song just seems to "fit" a certain group. They sing it and the atmosphere changes and it feels more "real" than the songs before it or after it. In Kenya, we sang God of This City; at school, our freshman year, the song was How He Loves Us.

The youth group's song (at least from where I stand) seems to be Alive Again.



They resonate with the truth of this one, and something changes - even in the kids who text through worship and the ones who listen to music during the teaching. There is something about this song that they get.

Purpose

"We will see a purpose for our lives that transcends the country and culture we live in, and we will see our desperate need for His presence to fulfill that purpose in us. We will discover that our meaning is found in community and our life is found in giving ourselves for the sake of others in the church, among the lost, and among the poor."  - Radical by David Platt

There is something that happens in community that can not happen any place else. Our rough edges rub against the rough edges of others, and, somehow, what is exposed is not only our weakness, but also our strength, and, often, our passions.

We learn what makes us tick and what makes our blood boil.

We start to learn why God put us, as a specific individual, here on the planet, in the place that He put us, and at the time that He did. (Partially because we begin to realize how very not-like-any-other-person we are!) It can be hard, but the end results are worth it.

It's worth it to step out far enough to see what God has for us.

And, just in case you missed it. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT. God seems to like using messed up people. I'm exhibit A. He knows we have rough edges. He's okay with that.

To My Sunday School Kids (part one)

So... once upon a time, I introduced you to my Kenya team. It seems like it might be about time to introduce you to my 4th and 5th graders. In this case, I'll let you listen in to the things that I have told them, in bits and pieces, over the last few months. (They have letters and not names for their safety and privacy.)

***

M: You are one of the most courageous kids that I know, and I can practically feel the determination bundled up in your body, ready to attack the next challenge you come across. For a fourth grader, your maturity amazes me and your loyalty is more fiercely stubborn than I've seen in people twice your size. I love watching the way that you can be friends with anyone, even when it takes hard messy work; and the pride in your eyes when you tell other kids about what I did "in Africa" - because, I was, after all, your teacher (a couple times) even before I left the continent.

P: I love the way that you roll your eyes at me during Sunday school, as if I really am just as crazy as the rest of our small group. We miss you on the weeks when you're not there. LJ misses you as his compatriot and all of the kids miss your steadying presence. You're one of our only fifth grade guys and one of the most unflappable kids I've known. Nothing throws you for a loop, not even when the chair next to you is being upended so that its owner can throw markers through the cracks. Your servant's heart is amazing, and the best gift that you give us is that smile that sometimes pops through when we ask a question that is directed just at you.

JE: Our group wouldn't be the same without your quirky spark or the devious grin that comes out when you tell me just why you think whatever idea I've presented is a bad one. You're always willing to share, and I think that you're finally starting to realize that you can feel safe with us. Unlike M, you don't save up your determination. You spend it all, all the time, and everything that you do is forceful. The more you feel safe, though, the more that force is tempered by your amazingly accurate intuition. Sometimes you say things, and I see the other kids look at you like maybe a grown up has taken over your body for a few seconds, because you have taken the conversation so effectively to just where you think it should go.

I'm Not in That Place Yet

"I'm not in that place yet."

That phrase has come up several time over the last week or so, in a variety of contexts. Every time it boils down to, "I would do such-and-such, but I'm just not in that place yet [in my walk with God, in my friendship, in my finances, etc]." Sometimes it's been a legitimate response...sometimes maybe not so much.

I don't want that phrase to be an excuse to not to come on the Focus Month trip - just like I don't want unasked or unanswered questions to be the reason for not coming.

I DON'T CARE WHAT PLACE YOU'RE IN.

I'm not looking for perfect, always holy people, and I don't think that God is either. I don't care if you have the faith to move mountains or if you are, quite frankly, questioning everything that you have ever been taught. I don't care if you are the prefect Christian who always attends EVERYTHING and helps out with the kids every chance that you get or if you rarely come to church and avoid youth group whenever you can. I don't care what your reputation is at school. I don't care if you hate sleeping on the floor for one night and part of you wants to curl up and die at the thought of sleeping there for twenty-seven.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A MESS. 

We're all a mess. It's part of being human. The wonderful thing about justice, is that God uses messy people to bring it about.

Yes. That link was a not so subtle hint. There are application forms on the website due by May 5th. If you are a messy, imperfect person, come join me, and FILL OUT THE FORM.

Tired Kids!

This weekend was the fourth and fifth graders' chance to spend the night at the church and consume more snack foods than some of them would normally eat in a week. (Think camp, but only for about fifteen hours.)

For the first two hours, they ran around at the club and the ones in the pool gave me plenty of "hugs" of the the you're-dry-and-I'm-wet-so-you-need-to-be-wet-too variety. Bonus of the "side hugs only" rule, is that it gives a good excuse to turn that wet swimsuit so that it is not getting you quite SO wet.

(The rock wall was as popular as it was with the high schoolers, but the request changed from, "Time me!" to "Will you wait [in the room] until I go up?" Which...when you boil it down...means basically the same thing.)

Back at the church they listened to the HS youth pastor talk about the greatest gift they could ever get, that would never ever not be what they needed - at which point one of the boys pipes up with, "A girl!" Umm. NO.

There was a counselor hunt and a movie, and then the half way comatose children fell asleep. 

At least, the girls did. The boys ended up staying awake for about an hour longer after their movie and were up running around and throwing a football by 6:30 in the morning. The girls didn't wake up until we turned the lights on at 8:00 (even with the boys running around upstairs) when we told them they had fifteen minutes to get up, pack up, and walk across the church to breakfast.

And...there was a requisite (short) game of ninjas after breakfast, before their parents came to pick them up, just to keep with tradition.

God Things

Last night was a high school leaders' meeting. (It still seems a little odd sometimes to be in meetings with people who were my leaders in high school, back in my holding up the wall days...I always imagined that there was more...planning, or strategizing, or something that went on during meetings. Last night, we played Scrabble.)

All of those sticky notes are stories of cool things that people have seen in the youth ministry lately. It only took about four minutes to come up with that many, and there are no repeats up there. For fourteen leaders, that's a lot of stories.

There may be a billion things that we all want to see changed, but good things are happening too. God is present, and He is moving.

***


Story: We were handed extra copies of the here's-the-list-of-places-we're-going-this-year ministry trip sheets at the meeting last night, and I grabbed one, with the vague thought that E, the freshman guy who couldn't find the youth group last Sunday might want a copy.

Of course, I then proceeded to almost walk out the door without it when I left for work this morning (because I'm just ADD like that).

I set it on the counter at work and forgot about it until, out of the blue, he asks, "So, do you know where the ministry trip is this year? I didn't get to go on any in middle school, I want to go this year."

Um. Yes. Actually...Let me grab you something.

Follow

We're reviving part of an old post today, because it seemed fitting. Enjoy (or...enjoy again, as the case may be).

When Jesus was on the earth, He gathered a group of young men (most of them probably teenagers) by simply telling them to "follow."

As a parent, what would you do if your sixteen-year-old son or daughter left their job mid-shift in order to follow Jesus? As a teenager, what would you do if He came into your school and simply said, "Follow"?

What would you do when it became clear that following was going to cost you everything?

Not four hours on Sunday and three more on Wednesday night; not twenty minutes a day to read from the One Year Bible; but everything.

I can't explain the logic of the Focus Month perfectly, but...[w]hy take a group of teenagers and preteens away from everything that they know as normal?

Because, sometimes, that is what it means to follow.

I Have Questions!

Whether you are a parent concerned about letting your child do who-knows-what for almost a month, while sleeping who-knows-where, and associating with who-knows-who or a student trying convince your parents that you will come back alive at the end of the trip, check out the FAQ page for answers to common questions about the trip and a chance to ask questions of your own.

This is information that I want you to have, so that you can make a prayerful decision about how you will be spending your summer months.

Read it, think about it, pray about it. And, ASK QUESTIONS. Even if you are not planning on joining us, there might be someone else thinking about it who has the same question but is too afraid to ask.

Allergen Free Pop Tarts

 Since last week we made "dessert" in the cooking class that I teach, but dessert that could be eaten for breakfast, this week it was time to make a breakfast food that was far closer to a dessert. Gluten free, dairy free, egg free, nut free Pop Tarts. (We did use food coloring, but that would be easy enough to omit if you wanted to.)

 They were massive, and crumbly, and we ate them just out of the oven, doused in icing and sugar sprinkles, so who knows what it might have tasted like later. I'm planning to make another batch this afternoon to find out.

We made cinnamon Pop Tarts and Strawberry Pop Tarts (and, because we worked in pairs, we also made some interesting combinations). We also made a giant mess. 12 kids + 6 bowls of flour + 6 crumbly Pop Tarts + sprinkles = the reason why we teach this class in an industrial kitchen and not in someone's home. The bottom picture is the pastry carnage that was left behind as they hurried to their next class. Hopefully they were eaten before they got into any cars!

How To (recipe makes one large, extra thick Pop Tart): Cut together 3/4 cups gluten free baking flour and 1/4 cup coconut oil until you have fine crumbs. Mix in 2 tbsp cold water, 1/2 tbsp sucant, and a small pinch of salt. When it starts to look moist, need with your hands until you have a solid lump of dough. (The warmth of your hands should melt the coconut oil and give your a workable dough.)

Roll or press out dough into a large rectangle double the length of your Pop Tart. Fill with 1-2 tsp of topping, avoiding the edges. Score and fold over your lid (We used a spatula as the dough breaks easily.) Pinch down all edges with a fork. Poke holes so that steam can escape. Bake at 425 for 7-8 minutes.

Let cool. Frost and decorate with sprinkles. Enjoy.

Strawberry Filling : Organic, gluten free jam

Cinnamon Filling: 1/4 brown sugar mixed with 1/2 tsp cinnamon (makes enough for several Pop Tarts)

Icing: Powdered sugar mixed with your choice of alternative milk (we used soy) to the consistency of a thick glaze.

Sprinkles: Raw sugar crystals mixed with food coloring to the hue you desire

New Site

Click the screen shot to get straight to the new site for the focus month.

New Site

Click the screen shot to get straight to the new site for the focus month.

Here We Go!

WE HAVE DATES FOR THE FOCUS MONTH!!!

June 19th - July 16th of this year will be 28 days of seeing what God does and where He takes us on His crazy adventure of community and justice. I made a site with all of the information (See. Click on the pretty colors...) for those of you who might be interested in joining us, or might know someone who might be interested in joining us. :D

There's also a promo video if you want to tease them with just a little taste of what we will be up to. 

Houston, We Have Lift Off

WE HAVE DATES FOR THE FOCUS MONTH!!!

June 19th - July 16th of this year will be 28 days of seeing what God does and where He takes us on His crazy adventure of community and justice. I made a site with all of the information (See. Click on the pretty colors...) for those of you who might be interested in joining us, or might know someone who might be interested in joining us. :D

There's also a promo video if you want to tease them with just a little taste of what we will be up to. 

Spicy Potato and Black Bean Soup

Anyone who has watched me in a kitchen can attest to the fact that I can not cook. More specifically, I can not follow directions properly to save my life, and I don't have enough experience to wing it. Sunday night, though, I decided to make soup.

I was too chicken to eat it then (it is far from the most beautiful food ever invented), but warmed some of it up for dinner both last night and tonight. Surprisingly, it actually tasted like food. Simple food, but food - and tasty food at that!

Excuse the nasty looking bowl. I was lazy and warmed it up in the microwave. 

How To: Chop one (white skinned?) potato and 1/4 onion. Throw them in a pot with 1/2 can of black beans (mine had already been warmed once the night before), four-ish cups of water, and 1/2 a small can of diced green peppers.

Season to taste. (I used generous amounts of salt, pepper, and cumin; one cube of vegetable bullion; and a pinch (literally) of  basil, oregano, curry powder, paprika, and possibly rosemary.) I don't have the spices memorized, so it was more of an open-jars-and-sniff-until-something-smells-"right" approach. 

Bring to a boil, then simmer, covered, for 1.5 - 2 hours. (I added more salt, pepper, and cumin as it boiled - whenever I stopped being able to "smell" the spices.)

Refrigerate overnight, and rewarm as needed.

Generation Gap

I was talking with a group of people at the Raise Your Tents event this weekend. Between the half dozen of us we represented four different churches and youth centers. They had several books full of stories to tell about the ways that they were volunteering their time since they had retired (everything from working at a youth drop in center to serving struggling veterans). But...

NOT ONE OF THEM HAD EVEN CONSIDERED THE FACT THAT THEIR YOUTH MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN BEING INVOLVED IN THE EVENT.

Our culture has so firmly established a generation divide that the mere fact that there were retirees sleeping in tents outside of a church meant that it never crossed anyone's mind that there maybe ought to be teenagers sleeping there as well.

It works the other way too. Had it been a youth centric event, it would have seemed odd to consider the possibility of inviting the Red Hat Club to join in, or even to invite families with younger children. When activism becomes just another program, rather than the natural outpouring of faith in the divinity and sacrifice of a Jewish carpenter, it is far too easy to divide it along the lines of all of our other programs.

The youth go this way. The kids go that way. And, even the "adults" are divided up by age and stage of life.

But, effective activism isn't programs. Effective activism is people, all kinds of people. Effective activism bridges the generation gap.

(Photo Credit)

I'm Not the Only Skittish One

My freshman year of high school, my friends and I had a reputation for being the ones who stood by the garbage can, plastered against the wall. There was literally one week where someone left a stack of chairs in our usual spot. Two of us stood on one side of the stack. Two of us stood on the other side, and none of us realized that the other pair was there until we all went to go sit down.

We were really that quiet and that stuck to the wall.

Perk of social awkwardness is that I can empathize with the "skittish" kids who come into youth group looking like they'd rather melt through the floor. Been there. Done that. Let me at least try to make this less terrifying for you.

Of course, that only works if they actually make it through the door.

One of the shyer freshmen guys told me today that he walked up the building last night, saw a bunch of adults standing around and only one person who he recognized as a student, decided that he must be in the wrong place, searched the rest of the church campus for us, and finally left. :(

He didn't know that it was a parent night to talk about ministry trips (thus all of the strange adults) or that we were downstairs to mingle (thus the lack of students).

Now that he knows where we will be, he should make it next week. Sounds like something that I would have done at his age.

(Photo: the new chalkboard wall that was painted on the December work day has officially been primed and broken in)

Today

Massive 4th & 5th grade small group today. Plenty of almost chaos. Even higher than normal number of memorable "walking conversations."

****

As we were getting ready to take off on our Ninja game for the day (with a few modifications to fit the lesson) a few of my more active kids were almost literally bouncing against the edges of the hallway space we were in. They were excited. People were finally all back from vacation. And, we were combined with another small group, which threw them even more off kilter.

"MH," I caught his attention first, "come this way, dude."
"E, I need you over here so we can start."
"Come join us..." I hesitated for a split second over the fifth grader who had only been there once before, and I saw his face fall and then freeze into an eye roll, as if he was trying to convince himself that he didn't care whether I remembered.

"Kid?" He suggested softly, suddenly still, as if he was bracing himself for disappointment.
"Jake." The name was half a question but I watched as a smile danced into his eyes.
"Yep!"

Today a ten-year-old told me that he desperately wanted to be a person, a real person with a name and an identity.

****

After playing Ninjas (and Sharks & Minnows), I asked one of the boys from the other small group to come back inside with us so that we could get a drink of water.
"I don't want to get a drink. I just want to die."
"What do you mean?"
"I want to get a machine gun and kill lots of people."
"Why do you want to kill people?"
"Because Iraq is mean."
Over the distance of a few steps, I clarified with him that he really was talking about the country and the war (because nothing kills a conversation like misunderstanding something a kid has told you), and emphasized the point that he was safe at church, which, looking back on it, was a rather odd thing to do. But, it made sense at the time.

Just like that, his entire body relaxed. That was all that he needed to hear. He didn't want to tell me why Iraq was mean or why he was struggling with so much bitterness (from the tone, I would guess that it had something to do with a family member). He just wanted to know, before we went back into the large group and the massive building, that he was safe.

Today a nine-year-old told me that he needed to be and feel safe.

****

Later, the small group talked about determination, and it came up that sharing about Jesus with friends can require determination. I asked them if talking about Jesus was easy or hard for them. One of the boys looked at me and said, "It's easy, but only because I never do it."

He wasn't being snarky. He was being brutally honest, and there was a little bit of sadness in his voice and eyes as he said it, like he wished that it wasn't as true as it was.

Today an almost eleven-year-old told me that he wasn't perfect.

****

Need to be known, need to be safe, need to be allowed to be broken.

What if grown-ups came to church willing to be that honest about their needs and weaknesses?

Rag Rug

T-shirts have always been one of those things that I have a hard time getting rid of. Even when they are full of holes (or half eaten by bleach...as seemed to happened to every shirt I owned while I worked in the school kitchen), it just seems wrong to throw out fabric that has so much life left in it.

Consequently, I have quite the stack of "special" t-shirts, that at least had some sort of redeemable graphic worth saving. Some of these shirts have literally been hanging around since middle school (ie. I'm-at-camp-because-I'm-about-to-be-a-sixth-grader kind of middle school). I finally went to work on a stack of them - saving the graphics, seams, and sleeves for some other project - and, after way more hours than I ever would have thought possible. There is now a second, much larger, rug for sale on my Etsy shop.

It was a good project to pick up whenever I had a thirty minutes or an hour to spare, or as an excuse to get around to some of the documentaries that have been waiting in my bookmarks for months. (I watched this one while I finished about half of the rug.)

Additionally, because most of the t-shirts I used (it took eight to finish a 32" by 19" rug) came from my own collection, the only thing that it cost me was my time - and quite a few kinks in my neck.

Every time that I finish a project like this one, I have a renewed sense of empathy for children and adults who do work like this without receiving a fair price for their labor. Rug making is mind numbing!

How To: This was the tutorial that I ran across over a year ago and snagged the initial idea from. Looking back at it now, though, that is not really the way that I did it AT ALL. Same basic concept, though. It's kind of like making one of those stretchy potholders - minus the plastic loom - or like a basic friendship bracelet. (Note: I started my rug differently, used four strands throughout, ignored any sort of a pattern, doubled stitches rather than skipping them on the corners, etc. Basically, I did nothing the way she said to, so take my results with a grain of salt.)

Stained Glass Masquerade

Somehow, during cluster last night, the topic morphed from tithing, to the way "the church" (for the sake of discussion we were referring largely to the local expression of the American church) spends money, to church membership, to hypocrisy within the church, to the fact that church too often feels like a not quite safe place to be - regardless of the denomination.

This came shortly on the heels of one of my friends opening up a forum that could be a safe place for people share their "why I left 'church'" stories.

It seems to come up several times a week, the fact that church as we know it is broken and that its brokenness has the ability to break already hurting people.

I wonder sometimes (most of the time) if that doesn't have something to do with the fact that we forget too easily what pure religion looks like. If we could remember that, really remember that (BOTH parts of it), would our churches become safe places to be?

Back when I was in high school, just before the youth group morphed into the safest place that I have ever seen it be, our youth pastor told us that he was praying for sin to be revealed within the youth group. It seemed a little harsh at the time, but it happened. Sin was revealed, and it was confessed to accountability partners, and it was dealt with - and youth group became more and more safe.

If we admitted our weakness and stopped just assuming that hypocrisy happens, would our churches become safe places to be?

Beyond Bridgetown - What Can I Do?

These folks have put together a list of things that you can out in a gallon sized Ziploc bag to have ready to pass along the next time that you meet up with a person who is homeless. Give it with a smile, and try to find out something about your new neighbor: a name or hometown or how long they plan on staying.

Whatever you have to give, remember that acknowledging another person's humanity is often the best gift that you can give - regardless of where they are planning to spend the night.

Do one thing. Stick a few items in your car or purse to give away.

Banana "Ice Cream"

(Yesterday's brown bunting is live on my Etsy site if you were looking for more pictures of the finished product.)

Among other things, teaching a allergen free cooking class at one of the local homeschool co-ops was on the to-do list for the day. What better to feed thirteen squirmy four through eight-year-olds than ice cream?

We made dairy free "ice cream" and topped it with gummie bunnies, marshmallows, and frozen fruit - and some gluten contaminated coconut flakes for those who could eat them. All in all, class number one was a success. No tears (from kids or adults), not too much mess, and a dessert that could have almost been served for breakfast.

How To (vegan, raw, allergen free ice cream): Freeze several bananas until mostly solid. Half a banana per person makes a decent (small) serving. Cut each banana into approximately eight pieces. Chop in food processor until smooth. (It should look like soft serve ice cream.)

If you want harder ice cream, re-freeze it for an hour or two until it comes out in "scoops." Otherwise, top and eat.

Beyond Bridgetown - Alternative Housing

When shelters are not an option, people get creative in order to meet their housing needs. They sleep in storage units, or, like several hundred people in Las Vegas, they live and sleep in the tunnels and storm drains under the city.

This man has a summer home and a winter home, both in the tunnels under Las Vegas.

If you don't watch any of the other videos I post - I understand; I am terrible at following through on links as well - watch this one. Specifically, watch this man's eyes as he says, "It's just what I do." It will be well worth your time.

Brown Bunting

This evening's normal commitment was canceled due to the weather, so there was extra time to sew. (The wonderful thing about being partially self employed is the ability to pick up a project at 8:00 in the evening just as easily as at 8:00 in the morning.)


Over the weekend, I picked up some fabric scraps at an estate sale. (They have since been doing their best to air out and cease being musty.) Most of them seem to be pieces from old clothing, and they are just the right size to turn into a quick set of bunting.


Of course, old fabric requires excessive amounts of ironing before it will be wrangled into submission - and lets off all sorts of interesting smells during the initial heating.

Eventually, though, all was right side out and crisply flattened. More pictures of the finished project to come tomorrow, when I can photograph it in daylight.


How to: Freehand a large triangle onto a sheet of printer paper to act as your stencil. Trace and cut twice as many triangles as you want for the finished bunting (two raw triangles for every finished one). Iron triangles into submission. Sew all triangles right sides together leaving a significant hole on the top for turning. Trim corners for easy turning. Turn all pieces right side out taking special care to fully poke out the corners (a pen or pencil works well). Iron flat again, this time folding in the top holes so that there is a smooth seam across the top.

Cut and iron binding tape. Your length should be [number of finished triangles] * 1.5 times the width of a single triangle + 2 times the width of a triangle.

Sew a small loop onto onto one end of the tape. Continue sewing until the near edge of the loop reaches the back edge of your machine. Place first triangle under the free tape. Sew tape to top, front edge of the triangle. This effectively seams the open top of the triangle as well. (Note: Getting over the corners of the triangles can be tricky. I had to hand feed a few stitches for most types of fabric.)

Continue sewing along the tape until the near edge of the triangle reaches the back edge of your machine. Repeat the process with each remaining triangle and finish the end so that it matches you initial loop in size and length. Trim any remaining tape. Trim any loose threads. Hang your bunting.

Beyond Bridgetown - Resisting Gentrification

Gentrification is a term used to describe the process of "replacing" low income or inner city types housing with housing for the wealthy or upwardly mobile. In city planning terms, it is a good thing, a chance to "revitalize" what is often the city core.

Those being replaced often have a different view of the situation. Many times, people who are living in poverty are shuffled to alternative, higher cost, housing away from the city core. The homeless (and those who are newly homeless due to their increased rent and transportation costs) are expected to leave the area.

One of the organizers in this video compares it to the Cherokee Trail of Tears. (A harsh comparison, but one that does its intended job of provoking thought.)

Raise Your Tents

CUP is putting on a week long fundraiser / awareness raiser for the Union Gospel Mission. For one week people will be camping out on the church property. There are still camping spots available for $50 if you print off a registration form and turn it in at the church offices (9-5 Tues - Thursday or 9-1 on Friday).

Raise Your Tents

CUP is putting on a week long fundraiser / awareness raiser for the Union Gospel Mission. For one week people will be camping out on the church property. There are still camping spots available for $50 if you print off a registration form and turn it in at the church offices (9-5 Tues - Thursday or 9-1 on Friday).

Beyond Bridgetown - Shelters

Even in cities with shelter systems, people choose to live on the streets or in abandoned buildings rather than utilize the system. For some people, it is easier or safer to stay away from the drug and alcohol addictions that often congregate there. Some have too many possessions to bring into the shelter, or worry that they will attract the attention of sticky fingered shelter mates. Some people need "shelter hours" to work towards getting off the streets or back into a stable job. Unaccompanied minors may not stay, because staying requires parental consent.

Unique, individual stories require unique, individual solutions.

Beyond Bridgetown - Street Kids' Lullaby

My baby sister is almost sixteen. Kids her age live on the streets,without parents or guardians, every day, in almost every city in America. 40% of them are never even reported as missing.

Radical

"I wonder at some points if I am being irresponsible or unwise. But then I realize that there is never going to come a day when I stand before God and He looks at me and says, 'I wish you would have kept more for yourself.'"
- David Platt

The above quote is one of my favorites from a book that I just finished called "Radical." It is one pastor's look at what it really means to follow Christ in the American context. Parts of it read like "Hole in Our Gospel" and parts of it literally felt like reading some of my own papers from BCOM.

The oddest part was that I could always tell when I had come across a paragraph or chapter that sounded like my thoughts in my I'm-writing-a-paper-right-now voice (which *I think* sounds very different from my any-other-time writing voice), because I would totally space out when reading it - just like I did when I was trying to proofread one of my papers!

Good quote. Decent book. Very odd sensation.

(Photo Credit)

Why Not

While I was sitting in the Wired service on Sunday, watching my old youth pastor preach on the drop down screens, there was a moment where I realized how odd it was that "Big Church" was going on as normal but elementary Sunday school was not going to do small groups and the high school group was not going to be meeting at all, but I more or less brushed it off. (If I chased every mid-sermon thought, I would never hear what was actually being said!)

Case closed.

But...I work Wednesdays and Fridays with a freshman from the youth group. Friday morning, while both of us had laps/shoulders/arms full of children, he asked me, "Why didn't we have Intersect last week?"

I wasn't sure how to answer him.

It was a holiday weekend. Well, no, school and work started back up on Monday. By Sunday evening, people were home.

There's never been youth group during Christmas break. Not helpful. The why question still stands.

Some sort of an answer came out - and was cut short as I was "stabbed" in the face by a four-year-old "Wolverine" - but it felt as convincing as trying to explain to a kid why we don't *insert rule-that-I-don't-understand-the-purpose-of-either here.*

And, from the look in his eyes, it really was that unconvincing, because the question wasn't actually about Intersect in the first place.

What he wanted to know was, "Why are other people in the church important enough for their Sunday to be normal but we (the high schoolers) are not?"

And, that, I don't have an answer for.

(Photo Credit)

(Note: I am not suggesting that the oversight was malicious. I understand the logistics, but logistics don't change the message that comes across. Teenagers are second class citizens in our society. Part of them expects to hear the same thing at church that they hear everywhere else, that some day they will grow up and be important.)

Beyond Bridgetown - The Why

Each person who is homeless has their own story that is just as unique as they are, but, like with anything, there are common threads.

Research has found the following to be the top ten reasons for temporary or long term homelessness:

1. Addiction
   Probably the most common stereotype of chronically homeless people is that they are drug and alcohol addicts -- with good reason. 68% of U.S. cities report that addiction is a their single largest cause of homelessness.* "Housing First" initiatives are well intentioned, but can be short-sighted. A formerly homeless addict is likely to return to homelessness unless they deal with the addiction. Treatment programs are needed that treat the root causes of addiction and help men and women find a way back home. (*Source: National Coalition for the Homeless - Substance Abuse.)
   
2. Domestic Violence
   Nationally, 50% of homeless women and children are fleeing domestic violence.* When a woman is abused, she faces a crisis of safety. If she stays in the home, she'll be beaten again. If she leaves, she'll have little means of support. Either choice is a tremendous risk. Choosing homelessness over abuse is both a brave and frightening decision. (*Source: National Coalition for the Homeless - Domestic Violience.)
   
3. Mental Illness
   6% of the American population suffers from mental illness. In the homeless population, that number jumps to 20-25%.* Serious mental illnesses disrupt people’s ability to carry out essential aspects of daily life, such as self care and household management. Without assistance, these men and women have little chance of gaining stability. (*Source: National Coalition for the Homeless - Mental Illness.)
   
4. Job Loss and Underemployment
   The current downtown in the economy has many Americans barely getting by financially. Many are underemployed at wages that can't sustain them. Layoffs and job cuts leave individuals and families in desperate circumstances. Unemployment benefits and savings run out, leaving people homeless who never thought it could happen to them. (See: National Coalition for the Homeless - Employment.)
   
5. Foreclosure
   Even people who have jobs are finding themselves upside down with their mortgages. From 2008 to 2009, foreclosures jumped by 32%. A 2009 survey estimates that as many as 10% of people seeking help from homeless organizations do so due to foreclosure.* (*Source: National Coalition for the Homeless - Foreclosure.)
   
6. Post-Traumatic Stress
   One any given night, as many as 200,000 military veterans sleep on the street.* The percentage of veterans with post-traumatic stress is growing among those returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Adapting to "normal life" back in the U.S. is proving to be extremely difficult for the men and women who have served us. Unable to cope, some choose to leave homes, loved ones and jobs behind for homelessness and/or addiction. (*Source: National Coalition for the Homeless - Veterans.)
   
7. Throw Away Teens
   Homeless teens often become so due to family conflicts. They're kicked out or choose to run away over issues of sexual orientation, teen pregnancy, physical abuse or drug addiction. 20% of homeless teens identify as LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) compared to 10% in the general population. Over 58% of these teens have been sexually abused. 62% are likely to commit suicide.* (*Source: National Coalition for the Homeless - LGBT.)
   
8. Relational Brokenness
   A homeless person is most often a deeply hurting person. By the time they come to a homelessness organization for help, they've burned through every supportive relationship possible. Friends and family are no longer able or willing to help, leaving the homeless man or woman very much alone. What relationships they have are usually predatory. In a sense, their situation is less about homelessness and more about unwantedness. A significant barrier to recovery often lies in the ability to restore trust and maintain healthy relationships.
   
9. Grief
   It's not uncommon to discover that the men and women in the Portland Rescue Mission recovery program are burdened by grief. Unable to deal with the death of a loved one or other significant trauma, they numb their pain in addiction. Addiction and apathy lead to the loss of job and home. They simply stop caring if they live or die. Grief becomes a roadblock to living.
   
10. Despair
    "Once you get down this low, it's hard to get back up," we often hear homeless men and women say. The longer they are homeless, the more difficult it becomes to combat the lies they hear in their heads. They believe there's no way out. They don't deserve another chance. They'll never break free from addiction. They'll always be a failure. More than anything, these men and women need hope.

Out of Focus

This quote by Mark Twain is brilliant. (Most things by Mark Twain are brilliant, for that matter. Have you read his War Prayer?)

When we look at the world, are we seeing what God sees? Is our imagination lined up with the things of His Kingdom or the things of the world's Empire?

Primary Justice

The other blog I write - about social justice issues and Christianity - has finally been resurrected from its dusty shelf, and will hopefully stay updated and maintained. Go check it out. Please. :D

Beyond Bridgetown - Professor

Invisible People TV interviewed several people who live in Dignity Village, a self governed village that cares for up to sixty people who are homeless - on a budget of around $2,000 a month.

Unlike most tent cities, Dignity Village was actually granted their land by the city of Portland and operates as a completely autonomous village. The founders, tired of being kicked out of doorways, formed an organization and protested quietly, and continued to do so until the city officials answered them with a piece of land (31 pieces, actually, so that they could choose the one that they liked best).

In Two Hours

Every time that I leave a gathering where there are under twenty-ones present, my heart hurts for them, because, no matter what the words are that come out their mouths, the pain in their eyes screams louder.

When they experience Jesus deeply and personally, it is because, every day of their lives, they come face to face with the alternative. (And, this is America. This is the land where life is good.)

Community

One of the challenges of a local church as large as the one I attend here is forming a sense of community on Sunday mornings. 2,000+ human beings don't just spontaneously decide to love each other like family. But, that does not mean that lives are not touched when we gather together.

A friend's brother was visiting this last Sunday and sitting by himself in the service. Part way through, he began to cry. It was not loud or intrusive, but he simply could not help the tears.

As he was standing to leave, the man sitting behind him caught his attention and asked if he could pray for him. Within moments, they were up front with the man who had preached that day and several of the elders.

For a significant amount of time, they prayed over this visitor, calling out things in his life that they could only have known by the grace of the Holy Spirit.

For just a while they walked with him on his journey.

For just a while they formed community.

Beyond Bridgetown - Nomads

All over the world there are communities of people who - for one reason or another - live nomadically. They do not live in modern homes or "do life" the way that many of us do.

Sometimes I wonder if the difference between "homeless" and "nomadic," for some people at least, might be simply a matter of what society says is good and right.

Homeless, nomadic, or simply camping? What makes one of the three more likely to be considered a crime?

(Photo Credit for everything not Kenya)