Haiti 2012

July 7th-17th (exactly six weeks from today), we're taking the high schoolers back to Haiti to run another VBS. 

In between finals and EOCs, AP testing and graduation, they are super excited about the trip, and we are beyond excited to be taking them! (Although, "we" is much smaller this year - 3 or 4 leaders compared to the 8 we had last year - with the same number of kids.) It will be an adventure to see what God does with the very unique group of people that He has pulled together for this. Of course, when is following God ever not an adventure?

We have fourteen amazing high school students, one young college age, one older college age/potential leader, and three youth leaders. Nineteen all told, with plane tickets being bought on Tuesday. 

In missions land, the purchasing of plane tickets is a big deal - the point where the commitment has been made, a good chunk of the money has been provided, and people are either all in or all out. So, this is about to become very, very REAL. At least, real in the tangible, logistical sense of reality. It has been real in the hearts and minds of the people going for far longer than that. 

It has been prayed over, thought about, wished through, and talked to death. It is still alive and constantly pulsing at the back of minds and hearts. The kids who went last year have come to three conclusions:

1) We don't have any idea what God is going to do.

2) It is going to be nothing like what we saw Him do last year.

3) It is going to be amazing. 

These kids are faithful and servant hearted and frighteningly good at loving with everything that they have. I have already heard them pray hard things over the trip, the type of fully surrendered prayers that God seems to take delight in answering, so I know that, whatever else it turns out to be, it will be a trip where Christ is present. 

SOLD responses

If a picture speaks a thousand words, does a picture of words speak ten thousand?

Not fans of change

Upon hearing story number 9,796,000 about "my kids" the other day (not that I would ever be full of kid stories or anything...) my sister laughingly mentioned that, "Your kids really don't like change, do they?" Umm. No. Not really. No.

Sometimes I forget just how much they don't like change. And then, a second grader, who goes through three pencils in an hour and a half because he doesn't realize when they've fallen on the floor and can't remember whether or not he put socks on this morning, comes running up for a hug and pulls away afterwards with the phrase, "Where did you get your new bracelet?"

Or, I wear a different than normal necklace to school and end up taking it off my neck on the playground so that curious little fingers can touch it and make sure that they know what it really is. Because, heaven forbid they go to play until they have decided.

I've always kind of joked that kids like me because nothing about me ever changes - clothing, hair, jewelry, shoes, response to their shenanigans. As the school year draws to a close and already hypervigilant kids are on higher than ever alert, I'm starting to think that might be more true than I would have guessed.

(I had a couple of panic stricken 5th grade boys the other day, because my hair was in a braid instead of a ponytail, and, even though I was wearing the exact same clothes they has seen me wear at least once a week for the last five months, from the back, they couldn't tell if it was actually me. As if someone else would take my clothes and come stand in my spot to pick them up for reading group...

But, these are the same boys who spotted me at their choir concert even though I was across the gym and up two sets of bleachers in a sea of faces. Typically they are ninja status in their Ms. Jessica spotting ability, so they found not being able to instantly identify me more than a little disconcerting.)

Add in the behaviors that speak - sometimes very loudly - when they don't have the words to get it across, and... Nope. They are not fans of change.

SOLD

The exhibit is up in the gym and, so far, drawing a pretty steady crowd. We've sent over 300 people through since our official opening on Friday evening.

The volunteers have been amazingly flexible and willing to do whatever is needed whenever it is needed - everything from their actual job, to painting red hands and sitting around waiting for the next wave of attendees to arrive.

If you haven't checked out the site yet, soldexperience.org is up and running, and it looks great.

We're open until next Sunday, so, if you're in Tri-town, come and visit us! (If you're anywhere else on the west coast, book the exhibit on the site, and we'll come visit you!

Chasing Rabbits

I love getting the chance to see the world through the eyes of my 4th and 5th graders.

We had a small group this week (technically three small groups, as I had my own kids and the kids from two other groups), and the kids relished the chance to not have to be quite so loud in order to be heard!

One of the fifth grade girls was quick to remind us that we could share "sad" things about our weeks as well as awesome things. The kids from the other groups looked at her like she was a little crazy and then jumped right in, quick to follow her confident example.

The verse for the month is Proverbs 19:7-8, which is chock full of weird words and phrases, so we were dissecting it a little. "The statutes of the Lord are just, making wise the simple," translated into kid speak as, "even if you have a hard time knowing how to make good choices, following God's rules will always turn out to be a wise choice."

There were still a few furrowed brows, so I clarified, "Can you be super smart and still have a hard time making smart decisions?" Lightbulb as one of the girls looks at me. "Like M! He's really smart, but he lots of times doesn't make good decisions." And, boom. They all knew exactly what the verse was talking about. Not the illustration I would have used, but, whatever works.

Note: M wasn't present this week, but she could have (would have) said the exact same thing to his face, and he would not have taken offense, because there us something entirely earnest about her, even as she is grinning and referring to the boys from their school as 'her knuckleheads.'

We ran and climbed a tree and threw seed balls and ran some more. We found a rabbit in the parking lot and made sure that it stayed out of the classrooms. We listened to a story and snuck into big church to hear a spoken word piece from a guest artist.

But, the kids' response when prompted to think of something that they had learned or God had done during church that they could tell their parents about was unanimously, "like the rabbit!"

Yes. Like the rabbit. Like the rabbit that God put in the parking lot just for us because He delights in giving gifts that make His children smile and because there is something that He wants you to remember about this week. This week with the rabbit and the poet who has rad hair and words that are faster than your brain can comprehend. I don't know what it is, but He does.

Triggers

May have jinxed myself with that last comment about my fifth graders being lower anxiety than last year. In certain very specific combinations, my kids are lower anxiety than last year - or at least different anxiety. Easter Sunday was an adventure. They were trying, really, really trying, but so many things and people were off and wrong and just a little bit different that we might as well have blindfolded them, spun them on their heads, and asked them to navigate a minefield. Add in a few bad weeks, too much sugar, and a good dose of fourth and fifth grade angst, and we were in rare form.

It wasn't last year's fear response to crowds or the thought of being lost. Instead, they were missing the kid who they worry about, missing another kid who is their behavioral barometer, and missing a third kid whose calm keeps them centered in the middle of the crazy. So, on top of whatever they came with, we were anxious because we were worried, anxious because we didn't know how to act, and anxious because we were short an anchor. And...all of the trigger behavior came to the forefront: perseveration, body language, biting sarcasm, inability to focus, whining, forgetting how to do things, not understanding directions, distraction, hyper focus, moving in slow motion, attention seeking, slow processing, constant need for control, etc, etc.

If I didn't love them so much, I might have strung them all up by their very sharply dressed toenails. Our fear and anxiety may look different this year than last year, but it's still there. These guys are just a little more creative in the ways (behaviors) that they let me know that their worlds are off kilter.

(Not to say that there are not still moments where the fear jumps up so sharply in their eyes that I have to wonder what exactly it is that they have seen.)

They clean up nicely, though, don't they?

Bullet Point Post

Life is moving along out here in the desert. We're working on justice things in every possible direction; kids are signing up for this year's Haiti VBS trip - including my baby sister, who I get to go on a ministry trip with for the first time ever! And, the end of the school year is creeping ever so slowly closer.

So many little things, but nothing that would fill an entire blog post:

• The fifth graders at both of my schools sang in a choral fest and did an amazing job.
• Fifth grade lunch has been split into a two day affair rather than a one day, and I have been reprimanded by several third graders since the switch for not being on the playground as often as I used to be.
• Our reading portable was completely rearranged for spring testing, and you could practically watch my second graders' head's spin as they tried to make sense of the change. Change is not their friend, and it tends to bring out some rather unique behaviors that really could be an entire post. 
• I managed to survive my first observation (fifth grade reading group) without passing out in front of the observers. 
• Spring Break is a wonderful, wonderful invention.
• The SOLD exhibit opens in almost exactly a month!!
• We've been using Signed Exact English with the cluster to work on memory verses, and some of the girls are amazingly good at picking it up. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that, when they sign the verse, they look fluent. 
• The high schoolers that I get to work with really are amazing.
• The fifth graders in my Sunday school group are typically far lower anxiety than last years' crew, but the about-to-move-up-to-middle-school nerves are ratcheting up steadily every week. 
• Kony 2012 blew in full force. 
• The exhibit is creeping closer to completion. 
• Did I mention that the SOLD exhibit opens in a month?! Because, that is kind of a big deal around here right now. 

Loving Well

 Only eleven kids this week, but quite a few who are only just coming back after long winter breaks. (One mom just got a job, so they have gas money for coming to church again! Whoot!) Rather than totally discombobulated by the change, they managed to enter this week with a feeling of coming home, of just chilling with family.

These kids love each other and they love each other well. **st*n sat by J*m** during story, spouting out those little wondering statements that come easier to fourth graders than fifth graders, and J*m**, who is the youngest in his family, got a chance to practice his big brother skills. He would grin down at whatever "cute" thing **st*n had said and then glance up at me like, "I was never this little, was I?"

Nine out of eleven in this crew are fifth graders, just on the cusp of middle school. I hear about who they like and who has a crush on who, and, then, the next minute, we find a tree to climb and they totally forget that they are supposed to be anything resembling grown up.

So, (for this week) we laugh and we practice the verse. We climb trees and play hide and seek in the sunshine. (Does it really count as seeking if you know exactly where each child is going before you even close your eyes??) We listen to a lesson, dissect the songs, and spread off into corners to pray - giant stuffed animals in tow. We run and talk and give legs up and hands down. We play tag and catch kids in pretzel holds from behind. And, we run some more. There are a thousand billion words and chairs that are upended to become space ships. Seed pods are thrown while someone draws a picture not three feet away, and we cram as much life and love and learning into an hour and a half as we possibly can.

There are lessons about conviction. But, there are also lessons about why we don't use phrases like, "Move it, Chinese!" even if we are joking, and the plethora of reasons why Jessica doesn't want the boys teasing each other about, "sucking balls," at church, even if it is perfectly acceptable (almost a requirement) to their friends at school. And, lessons about forgiveness and guilt and respect. And, a thousand other things that I have already forgotten, because, in an hour and a half, we can cover a whole lot of ground!

Sharefest 2012

This year, our cluster project involved destructing flower planters/benches, moving dirt from planter to flower bed, breaking down cardboard boxes, sweeping, taping, and plenty of paining. The girls worked from 7:30 in the morning until 2:30 in the afternoon. Too cold for sweat and too much fun for tears, but there may have been a little blood when someone got up close and personal with the parking lot.

Not that is slowed her down for more than five minutes!

We were the happy recipients of homemade ice cream mid morning, and found some supremely tasty taco truck burritos for lunch. (Yes. We like food. Can you tell?)

The entire work crew there was awesome, and it is always fun to know that there are hundreds of other people from all kinds of different churches spread out across town doing the exact same sorts of things.

Anyone who wants to claim that American teenagers are lazy and self centered really ought to come watch these girls in action for five minutes. They know how to WORK and how to work JOYFULLY. Their other leaders would have been more than proud to see them so much in their element while serving. I know that I certainly was!

Gifts - 4th/5th Grade Style

With only twelve kids this week, and nothing "different" going on in main service, we managed to hit that sweet spot once again - where major holidays are over, spring is coming, and they're growing enough to start putting words behind questions and feelings.

(That being said, don't come into the group expecting to suddenly see innocent angel children. It's still the same messy group, just able to verbalize a few more things and trust a little more openly. And...sometimes they all decide to verbalize at once. :D Yeah. I can totally hear all twelve of you at the same time. Not so much.)

****

"Oh! I think I had a prophecy!" One of the boys jumps into the the middle of my sentence. "When I was still in California, I had a dream about what our new house was going to look like, and, then, when we got here, it was exactly the same as my dream."
His eyes are glowing as he shares the story with me us, and eleven kids sit up a little straighter to hear how I answer him. They've already heard some stories from me, but now, for a fleetingly few minutes, they want to check and make sure that they get it.

He waits a heartbeat. "It was kind of weird."

This is one of those moments where they waver between little kid faith and a pre-teen desire to be cool, to be normal, to be whatever it is that their friends think that they're supposed to be.

"Yeah. It can seem weird, but this stuff is totally for real." His focus is back on me, waiting, watching. "Isn't it cool that God gave you that tool, so that moving would be easier?"

Markers around the circle stop moving as he finally nods, and the smile in his eyes reaches down to the rest of his face. "Yeah."

We're talking about spiritual gifts as "tools" to do life well, sitting on the floor in the hallway, surrounded by the jungle animals that they drug over, markers and paper spread everywhere, in a tight clump that is really only a circle by virtue of the fact that it is not a square. Their notes look like anything and everything you can imagine, bulleted lists, presents with the different gifts popping out, stick figures, random squiggles. But, one of the girls manages to sum it up well.

Her page is labeled "Spiritual Gifts" across the top, and, under a picture is the phrase, "Whatever God tells you to do, do it."

Yep. That will pretty much cover it.

(The main curriculum is talking about conviction, about not being afraid to stand up for things.Our small group tends to take its own tangents, and this conversation has been several weeks in the making.)

Work

"Teacher?"
"Ms. Mac?"
"Teacher?"
"Ms. Jessica?"
"Duty?"
"Mrs. Whatever-your-name-is?"
"Jessica?"
"Ms. MacFarlan?"
(x 20+)

Jesus typically starts his greeting by tugging on my upper arm, "Duty? We have a problem..."

Omar greets me with the phrase, "Ms. Jessica? Can I run?"

Machiah skips the formalities altogether and announces his presence with the declaration, "Machiah is awesome!"

Jasmine walks with her hand in mine.

Farias alternates between running up for a hug and avoiding me when he wants to cause trouble. "Ms. Jessica? That duty," pointing to whomever has just dealt out his latest disciplinary action, "is mean."

***

The second graders just finished the story of The Ugly Duckling in reading group, and the fifth graders are nearly at the end of The Wizard of Oz. Toto tipped over that curtain, and they all forgot that this was reading group and they were supposed to be bored. Everyone wanted to be the one to read what happened next.

There are measurable goals they are supposed to be meeting, reading rate, accuracy, and recall. But, in the long run, this is the goal, that they decide, even for a few moments, that they like to read.

The second graders, on the other hand, are still relatively convinced that the whole thing is a competition. :)